August 12, 2010

The U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization claims that eating meat is a major cause of global warming, and is urging us to try other alternatives including insects. They say we should eat insects, because they're rich in protein. All right. Here's my question. Say you're eating a bowl of insects, and a fly lands on your food— I mean do you shoo it away or is it j—? I mean just— Really, I mean just what's really—? I mean if it lands there are you—?

Let's imagine this same delivery on the Henny Youngman classic:

Take my wife— not really like as an example of something, 'take her,' but— like if you take her— if I'm supposed to love my wife, but then— so if I say 'take' meaning something— is that—?

This insect joke makes me so mad because the joke is sitting Right. There. This is such a simple joke. And what's his punchline?

I mean do you shoo it away or is it j—? I mean just— Really, I mean just what's really—? I mean if it lands there are you—?

I've quoted that verbatim. Verbatim! Leno flops all over it like Mike Tyson on the mat, groping blindly for his mouthguard. And what's worse, the audience ended up applauding this. They applauded as if to say not just 'That was funny' but 'Well done, sir! Fine work!'

The joke is unfinished. Let's complete it.

They say we should eat insects, because they're rich in protein. All right. Here's my question. Say you're eating a bowl of insects, and a fly lands on your food…

…Do you shoo it away, or pay a la carte

…Do you send it back or add it to the tab?

…Is it rude to ask how many points it's worth for Weight Watchers?

…Do you complain, or ask for a wine recommendation?